The Feeling of Being Absolutely Worthless {ENG}

Genre: Fantasy
What about:The story takes place in a fantasy world where Lorissa, abandoned by her father only days before her birth and her mother only stayed to be able to give her life and then dump her at the orphanage, has to try and live with the shame of being who she is. And being a girl doesn't make it any easier since the sexist laws makes it legal for the men and boys of the village to assault her and push her down This story is about the life of a girl who was really a mistake. This is the life of someone who wasn't meant to be. The life of someone absolutely worthless.


Rating: PG Det kommer bli en del svordomar och eftersom det handlar om en flicka som dagligen blir trakasserad så kommer det väl bli en del våld också, men jag tror nog att de flesta kommer klara av den bara man tycker om storyn. Det kommer inte vara jätte detaljerade beskrivningar av skador.

Should I continue?

Prologue
In Lorewick, the small village right in the middle of the country Solan, the sun was shining like usual. But in spite of the wonderful weather, there were not any children outside. This was because it was a school day. And the children were all inside the school listening to their lessons. Since it was such a small village it was a very small school. Of course nobody in the village knew that since nobody in the village had ever been outside the gates of Lorewick.
In one of the small classrooms in the building, a teacher named Oliver Neram was teaching his class of 4-8 year olds about social behavior and human rights. A lot of people weren’t listening. Most of the students in the class were looking out the window longingly. They, of course wanted to be outside, playing. But Mr. Neram didn’t seem to notice.
“And most important of all, girls listen carefully, if a man tells you to do something, you do it. You don’t question it. You just do it.” The boys in the classroom that had been listening grinned with approval. “The man will always know best.” He continued.
One girl, in the back of the class was one of the few students not whispering to the person sitting closest. She wasn’t looking out the window wishing she could be out in the sunshine. No. She was listening intently, hanging onto every word that came out of Mr. Neram’s mouth. The girl was very skinny, not in a way that made her look healthy because she wasn’t chubby, but in a way that made her look sick. She was ghostly pale and she looked a lot like a skeleton. She seemed extremely fragile, like if you weren’t careful enough she would break into a million little pieces. She had jet-black hair down to her elbows. This looked very strange in contrast to her sickly pale skin. Suddenly her hand shot up. The class went quiet. The people who had been whispering to each other turned silent. The children that had been looking out the window noticed something was different and turned to see what had happened. Why wasn’t Mr. Neram continuing his lesson? Ah, it was the stupid little five-year old girl with the black hair of course. Everyone knew that she wasn’t actually supposed to be here. That it had been better for everyone if she had died at birth. But they had been out of luck that day and so she lived, and she had now disrupted class. Mr. Neram sighed.
“Yes, Lorissa? What is it?” there was no mistake of the impatience in his voice. Only the small children who had just begun school could miss it. And if Lorissa had heard it she ignored it.
“I have a question.” She said with her thin voice.
“Yes. I understood that.” He said. Lorissa seemed not to take notice of the fact that he probably couldn’t care less about her question.
“Why?” she asked, her little eyebrows burrowing.
“What do you mean?” Mr. Neram asked with a tired voice, it was clear to everyone, even the small four-year olds, that he would rather be doing anything else than answer her question. Well it was clear to everyone except for Lorissa.
“Why do the girls have to do what the boys say?” she asked, confused. “Boys aren’t better than girls.” The silence that followed was thick with tension. But Lorissa was as oblivious as a baby. Eventually Mr. Neram was the one who broke the silence.
“Come up here, Lorissa.” He said coolly and motioned for her to come to him in front of the class. She hesitated. Only now noticing that he didn’t seem happy. “Come up here,” he repeated, “and I’ll tell you why.” Lorissa carefully jumped out of the chair that was so big that her feet dangled three decimeters over the floor when she sat on it, and slowly walked up towards the teacher. When she finally stood in front of him you could see she was only up to his hip and he was towering over her. Still she looked up into his eyes.
“The reason why girls listen to boys is because boys are stronger.” He said and slapped her across the face. The impact made her fly backwards halfway across the room. “The reason why girls listen to boys without questioning-” he paused before he continued. “-Is because boys are smarter, and whether you know it or not they will know best.” He walked towards the small girl who was now merely a small slumped figure and if you hadn’t heard her sobbing you would think she was dead. He roughly pulled her up by the arm. “You break these rules, and there will be consequences.” He said, “Do you understand?” the small girl nodded, still sobbing. “Of course for you it’s slightly different. You see,” he gestured to the other children, sitting quietly at their benches, horrified over the scene that they had just witnessed, “these children are worth a whole lot more than you are. Do you want to know why?“ She didn’t answer ,”because you are simply the daughter of a whore who decided you weren’t good enough to keep. And that is why; when someone tells you to do something you’ll do it. And you’ll do it perfectly. And that is if anyone tells you to do something. And it could be anything. Are we clear?” She nodded again. The sobs were beginning to retreat, but you could still see tears streaming down the girls face as she walked to the back of the classroom. “Honestly you should consider yourself lucky. If it wasn’t for the generous people of this village you would’ve died a long time ago.” Mr. Neram said to Lorissa's back. Not thanks to you! She thought. But stayed silent. What no one else knew however was that she at that moment vowed to listen to everyone. To be a good girl and do whatever anyone asked of her. She had been humiliated and she never wanted anything like this to happen, ever again. And she wished that maybe everyone would just leave her alone. Hadn’t she had her punishment now? Humiliated and hurt both mentally and physically? It should be enough shouldn’t it? She could always hope. That hope, unfortunately, was broken the very next day. By a few older boys who decided she needed to be taught a lesson for existing.
How do I know this? Because that little girl, that was me.

HERREGUD, DU ÄR SUPERDUPERMEGADUKTIG!!!
Vilket ordförråd, vilken bra beskrivning och vilken, man kanske inte ska säga härlig, men fängslande berättelse!!

Stackars lilla flickan, och vilken hemsk man!

Jag längtar så mycket efter nästa kapitel

*Dubbelbevakar*

Naaaw! tack så mycket!

Chapter 1
I’m alone. Completely alone. It’s not the first time. And honestly I like it. It’s better to be alone than to be with people who couldn’t care less if you lived or died. I’m thirteen years old today. And I plan to spend my birthday in the best possible way. Alone that is. I guess I deserve the way they treat me. I shouldn’t even be alive. I’m in the woods. It’s the one place where nobody else comes. The people in Lorewick are afraid of the woods. I am to. But not more than I am of the people in Lorewick. They hurt me and often do terrible things. But I know I deserve it. But just for one day in my life I would like not to be beaten bloody as soon as someone sees me. That can’t be too much to ask for, can it? Suddenly I hear a twig snap behind me. I fly up. Someone’s there. A boy. My age, most likely. But it’s hard to see. He has brown hair and hazel eyes. He is has black powder all over his arms and his face. He smiles a little and I look down at my feet.
“Hi.” He says. He seems polite. I’ve never seen him before. Which is weird since I’ve seen everyone in this village about ten times every day. Well, not everyone obviously.
“Hello sir.” I answer. What does he want?
“What is your name?” he says. Huh, that’s weird. Everybody in the village knows my name, mainly so they can ask for me to do their chores, but then again, I don’t know his name.
“Lorissa sir.” I say, still looking down at my feet.
“What a pretty name. My name is Joshua.” Pretty? Is he joking? I look up at him. He looks genuine enough…
“Thank you, sir.”
“What are you doing all alone in the woods?” he asks.
“I… ehm… I don’t know, sir.” He raises his eyebrows.
“You don’t know?” he says, and then his face becomes filled with, what? I’m not sure really…understanding? “Did you get lost?” he asks, his voice filled with sympathy. It was such a long time ago I heard kindness towards me that it first takes me a moment to understand he’s not trying to tease me. He doesn’t know who I am. If he did he would never be so kind to me. “Come on, let me show you the way back to the village.” He says and raises his arm. I back away. And close my eyes. He’s going to hit me, and with those muscles it’s not going to be a light hit. I wait for the coming blow that I am sure will reach my face in only a few seconds- but it doesn’t… I slowly open one eye and see the boy- Joshua- looking at me, confused. He frowns a little. “What are you doing?”
“I-I-I thought… I thought you-” I stammer. The fear of the coming blow still hasn’t gone away and I’m not sure how to explain myself now without making him angry. “I’m sorry sir, I-I-I just…” he looks worried. About what? Me?
“Calm down, just follow me, you’ll be out of the woods in no time.” He says and grabs my hand. I gasp. The sudden movement towards me tell all my instincts to run, hide, scream. But I don’t. Because if I did it would just be another reason to hurt me. He starts walking towards the village. And though I would rather be anywhere but in the village right now I follow him. What choice do I have?
“How old are you, Lorissa?” he asks as we walk that small path towards the village that I know so well. But I don’t tell him I already know the way. That would make him look stupid. And that’s a rule. Never make a man look stupid.
“I’m thirteen, sir.” I answer.
“Really?” he says, surprised.
“Yes, sir.” I know I look much younger. I’m too thin and too short for my age.
“You can call me Joshua if you’d like. I’m only thirteen too.”
“Thank you, sir.” I say. A little chocked.
“For what?” he asks.
“For giving me permission to say your name.” I say. I’m surprised he asks. He must know what an honour it is.
“You don’t need permission for that.” He says, surprised.
“Yes, I do.” I say without thinking. Then I stop walking and pull my hand away, “I’m sorry, sir!” I say, horrified over my own mistake. One of the most important laws of Lorewick is ringing in my head.
Never argue with a man. He will know best.
“For what?” he says again.
“For arguing. Forgive me!” I say and lower my head.
“We were arguing? I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He says. And I gasp.
Never make a man apologize, it’s always in some way your fault.
“Don’t apologize!” I say horrified, “You did nothing!” I realize I’m shouting a bit too late. But I’m terrified. I’ve never broken two of these rules at once, and if it had been anyone else he would have hit me a long time ago. Actually he most likely would’ve beaten me up. He looks at me like I’m crazy.
“I honestly don’t understand you.” He says. I can hear clear annoyance in his voice now. “Do you need help home or will you be fine?”
Home. I don’t have a home. I haven’t had one in four years now. Not since they kicked me out of the orphanage. Then again, the orphanage was never really my home.
“No, sir. I’ll be fine.”
“I told you,” he says. He seems a little angry now and I wince, make myself small and back away, “there’s no need to call me sir!” I back away even more. I can feel my heart beating so loud he must hear it. We’re in the middle of the village now and everyone watching is probably expecting him to beat me up. Because of course that’s what he’s going to do now. Beat me up. And I, who was hoping that I might have a birthday in peace, I can’t muster up the strength to say sorry to him. I haven’t been this scared in a while. Well not since Bill threatened to break every bone in my body if I told anyone he’d stolen all that bread from the bakery.
What’s this boy waiting for anyway? Hit me now! Please, I can’t take waiting much longer! I realize I’m holding my breath. I let it out and try to breath normally again. Suddenly he says softly, “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Didn’t mean to scare me? What is with this person!? Doesn’t he realize I’m shaking with fear? Can’t he just get over with it? Whatever it is he plans to do. Break my arm? My leg? Just beat me up so that I can barely walk? But I don’t say anything. I just want to run. Every little piece of my body is telling me to get out of there. But if I do it’ll just be worse when I see him next time. He reaches out his hand and carefully touches my shoulder. Okay. That’s it. I don’t even think it’s my brain that decides what to do next. I turn around and run. I run and run. I don’t stop. After a while I don’t even know where I am anymore. All I know is, I made a terrible mistake by running away. Next time I saw him he would probably fulfill the threat that Bill gave me and break every single bone in my body. Who was he anyway? I have no idea. But I decide not to think about it. The idea of him makes me nauseous, actually it’s probably the idea of what he’ll do to me that makes me nauseous. Or maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t been eating or drinking all day… and running didn’t exactly make it better. I start to slow down. My stomach is aching for food. I look around. I’m by the blacksmith’s workshop. Well, our village hasn’t actually had a blacksmith in a while. The man moved away after marrying a girl that was at least twenty years younger than himself, him being 40. It’s not that unusual I guess… but I still find it a little strange…
Huh, that’s weird… There is noise coming from the workshop… The new blacksmith must’ve arrived.

Fantastiskt, går inte att beskriva hur bra du är!

Vilken hemsk handling, stackars flickan...

Tack! Jo jag tycker också den är rätt hemsk, men jag tycker att jag behövde skriva något hemskt någon gång bara för att träna lite

Det var inget illa menat, den är jättebra trots alla bedrövelser

jag förstod att det inte var illa menat kul att du tyckr om den!

Nu har jag läst hela igen, den är SÅ bra skriven!!
Kommer det mer?? *håller tummarna*

jodå, det kommer mer har haft scout läger en vecka och inte kunnat skriva eller någonting och jag ska skriva lite på min FF också men rätt snart kommer det mer

Jippie! Men stressa inte!