The Feeling of Being Absolutely Worthless {ENG}

Chapter 2
“There she is.” I hear someone whisper. My blood turns cold. I know that the voice means me. I’m not sure who it is, but I know it can’t be good.
“Hey! You little slut! Come over here.” I turn around and see Bill and a few of his friends standing there. I see their smirks and I can’t make myself take another step closer. From personal experience I know they never do anything that bodes well for me.
“Didn’t you hear him!” another boy says, one of Bill’s friends. I force my feet to take a few steps towards them.
“Oh c’mon! What’s the matter with you?” Bill says angrily and takes a hold of my black hair pulling me closer.
“Ow!” I yell and try to get free. Knowing that it’s useless.
“Shut it!” he barks at me and pushes me head first into the ground. It rained yesterday and I land right in a puddle, splashing mud all over me. I start to sob. “Get up.” Bill says. I do as he says. “You’re such a little wimp.” He says and pushes me backwards. One of his friends puts out his foot and trips me. I land on my back; someone pulls me up by my hair. I whimper but can’t do anything except stand up again.
“You’re a freak!” another boy says. I’m crying now, knowing what they’re saying is true.
“Daughter of a whore!”
“Your own mother didn’t’ even want you…”
“There must be something wrong with you…”
“Should’ve died a long time ago…” Tears blur my view and I can’t tell the voices apart. To me, it’s just a rant that I’ve heard so many times before. Nothing new… still it hurts just the same. I put my hands to my ears and crouch down to the muddy ground, trying to block out the words. Trying, but failing. I can still hear them.
“You’re probably a whore! Just like your mother…”
“Please…” I beg, “please…”
“Quit whining you stupid little…”
“What the hell are you doing!” huh? That’s new… I didn’t do anything… did I? I look up. It’s that boy... he seems angry and he’s standing in between Bill and me. But he isn’t looking my direction. He’s looking at Bill.
“Get lost.” Bill says, looking bored.
“What did she do to you?” Joshua says. I hold my breath. He’s defending me! At least I think he is, but nobody does that!
“I’ll go easy on you since you’re new to the village, but for the record she deserves this okay?” I can’t see Joshua’s face but when he answers his voice is confused.
“What do you mean?” he says, “What would she have done to deserve this?” Bill rolls his eyes.
“She exists.” He says simply, “Now get out of my way.” Joshua’s muscles tense and he takes a step towards Bill.
“No!” his voice is filled with annoyance and fury. This would make me shake with fear. Bill just chuckles. Then he says,
“Fine, have it your way. If you’re going to defend the little whore-child I’ll teach you a lesson.”
Bam!
“Oof!” Joshua groans and I scream loudly as Bill punches Joshua in the face. Bill’s friends back away. But I can’t even move. Joshua falls backwards into the mud. And I think that for sure he fainted. But then suddenly he smiles.
“Not bad, but you forget that I’m the son of the blacksmith.” And with that he’s on his feet again. He throws himself onto Bill punching him wherever he can. I scream again as they roll so close to me I have to jump out of their way so that I won’t be crushed. I trip and fall. Looking terrified at the two boys fighting.
“I help my father carry the metal he gets!” Joshua shouts, punctuating his words with a punch, “I then help him bend it with my very own hands!” suddenly he stands up.
“You’re no match for me.” He says angrily. Bill is almost lying down; he’s pushing his upper body up with his elbows. He isn’t scared. He’s just frustrated. He knows he’s lost. Without saying another word Joshua walks over to me. He holds out his hand towards me. I take it… trembling. He pulls me up and asks me if I’m okay. Scared and confused over what just happened I burst into tears. And I who thought for sure he was going to beat me up… He puts his arm around me and walks into the blacksmith workshop… his father’s workshop. He opens up a wooden door that takes us from the workshop into a house. His house, I assume. He sets me down on a soft couch. I continue to sob. He sits down beside me and hugs me. I let him. Too scared to move away. I can’t think straight… It’s too much to process. Someone is being kind to me… Someone I never met before… I know I should be grateful… but it just scares me. Makes me want to run and hide. Anytime someone is nice to me they always want something in return. And I can’t afford that at the moment.

Fantastiskt skrivet! Vad glad jag blir för flickans skull, hon förtjänar verkligen lite vänlighet!

Föresten så vill jag bara säga att om det är svårt att förstå någonting så är det bara att fråga så förklarar jag Ja, tack och hej för mig!


Chapter 3
Poor girl. I can’t understand why they would do this to her. I mean she can’t possibly have done anything that bad to them. She’s the skinniest and weakest girl I have ever seen. She’s fallen asleep on the couch. I expected her to look peaceful, but she still looks terrified even when she’s not even conscious. She’s muddy all over her face but she has trails running over her cheek where the tears were rolling down before. And it’s all thanks to those boys. I wonder what I’ll tell mother and father when they get home.
“Hello, how’s your day been? Oh her? She’s just some girl that I invited into our house when some boys were bullying her.” I say quietly to myself. I shake my head and smile at the thought of their faces. I look up at the old clock on the shelf; it’s one of the only things we’ve unpacked since we came yesterday. It’s getting late. I’d better wake her up. I gently shake her shoulder.
“Lorissa? Lorissa?” I say softly, not wanting to startle her. She sits straight up looking around like a scared rabbit with her eyes wide open. Wow. Light sleeper. She looks at me; our eyes meet for half a second before she lowers her gaze.
“I’m sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have fallen a sleep.” She says and I smile a little.
“That’s okay. It looked like you needed it.”
“Thank you, sir. Both for letting me sleep here and for… for…” she isn’t able to finish the sentence.
“Don’t worry about it.” I say, “Look your parents must be worried about you. You should probably go home. Otherwise you’ll be late for dinner.” She looks up at me. She seems uncertain about what to say.
“I don’t need to worry about either three.” She says finally.
“What do you mean?”
“My parents left me. I don’t have a home and unless I can find some berries in the forest there will be no food for me today.” She says simply. Then she stands up. “Thank you for everything, sir. You’ve been too kind.” Then she walks out the door before I can say another word.
No parents? No home? No food? She’ll starve! I fly up from the couch and run into the kitchen. I quickly rummage through the pantry finding a big loaf of bread that mother bought at the bakery when we first came here. I grab it; dodge out the door looking for Lorissa. She’s nowhere to be seen.
“Wait! Lorissa! Where are you?” I shout. Hoping she’ll hear me. I run down the street. Where is she? I need to give her the bread. It’s getting colder now and suddenly it starts to rain. That’s not good! She’ll freeze to death before I can find her! “Lorissa!” I shout again. I’m clutching the bread to my chest.
“Lorissa, answer me!” I shout, getting angry now.
“I’m sorry sir…” I hear a small voice whimper. I twirl around and see Lorissa sitting on the ground by the wall with her knees up to her chest. She’s wrapped her thin arms around her body in an attempt to keep warm. I kneel beside her.
“Here.” I say and hold the bread loaf out. She looks at it. Then she looks at me. “Here, take it.” I say. Her eyes widen as her brain processes what I’m saying. She shakes her head.
“I can’t possibly…” I smile and put my hand over her mouth. I regret doing so, however, when she starts trembling and makes herself even smaller than I thought possible. I pull my hand away and see fear in her eyes.
“Look. You definitely need the bread more than I do. We have more food and from what I understand you have none.” I say and take her hand and put the big loaf in it. Then I take her other hand and make her hold the bread in both hands. When I let go she’s still holding the bread in her hands. “Take it. Make sure you eat enough of it.” I stand up, turn around and start walking towards my house.
“Thank you, sir…” I hear her breath behind me. “Thank you so much…” I frown. She’s sounding like I’ve done something she’ll be in debt forever for… All I did was give her some bread.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you.”
“Yes sir.” She says. I sigh. I wonder if she’ll ever stop calling me sir.

Superbra! Som sagt, du skriver helt fantastiskt!!!!

Absolut jag gör det nu!

tack här kommer mer (ganska kort, men skit samma)

Chapter 4
Six months later.
I wish he didn’t have school. Well I know it’s good for him to have the chance to learn and all, but still. That means he can’t be with me as much. It sounds selfish. But when he’s with me I feel better. When he’s with me nobody picks on me. I quit school about two and a half years back so that I’d be able to have more time finding or earning food. I didn’t get lunch at school anyway like the other kids, and it was basically just lectures about how stupid I am, and that I really shouldn’t be alive. That’s why I’m in the forest at the moment. Trying to find berries or something. I haven’t eaten lunch and if Josh finds out I don’t have any dinner he’ll give me some of his dinner or invite me over, and that will just make me feel guilty. My stomach growls loudly.
“Yes, okay I get it…” I mumble.
Suddenly someone grabs me from behind. I scream loudly twisting around. I’m about to start running for my life when I see whom it is. It’s Josh.
“That was not funny!” I gasp. My heart is still beating too loud and I’m having trouble catching my breath.
“I’m sorry.” He says, and I wince. Even though I know he’d never hurt me it still scares me when he apologizes. “Really! I shouldn’t have done it.” He adds. But I can see he’s trying to suppress a smile.
“For all I knew you could have been a wolf!” I say, getting angry now.
“RAAWR!” he growls and jumps towards me. I try to keep my face stern, which works for a start… but then he starts tickling me and we both fall to the ground. I scream again but this time out of laughter.
“Stop! Stop!” I shout through the fits of laughter. He listens to me instantly. When we both finally stop laughing it’s because my stomach decides to remind me of the lack of lunch and dinner. Josh raises his eyebrows and we both sit up.
“Have you eaten at all today?”
“Yes.” I lie. He sighs.
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“I’m not lying. I did have lunch!”
“Yeah and I’m a wolf.”
“I did!”
“AAROOOOOOOOW!” he howls, imitating a wolf, I have to laugh.
“Fine. But I’m not that hungry anyway.” My stomach growls again.
“Yeah, sure you aren’t. Mother said you could come eat dinner with us today if you like.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Well lets put it like this, if you come then mother will be very happy. If you don’t she’ll find you and drag you to the dining table and probably force feed you, and then she’ll be very happy too.” He says and I giggle.
“Right, so there’s a choice between food or being kidnapped and food?” I ask. Josh smiles and nods.
“Pretty much.” He says. I sigh but smile. His parents are too kind.
“I dunno…” I say, feeling slightly guilty over all the other times I’ve eaten of their food.
“If you don’t, I’ll tickle you to death.” Josh threatens.
“You’ll tickle me to death no matter what I do!” He laughs. And then we’re both quiet. We just sit there and I lean on Joshua’s shoulder. My best friend. My only friend.
“Did you know something, Lorissa?” he says eventually, “You’re so different when you’re in the forest.” I’m quiet for a moment.
“No.” I say after a while, “I’m different when I’m with you.” I’m not looking at him, but I can feel him smiling.
“C’mon. Mom will be wondering where we are.” He says and stands up. He turns around and holds out his hand. I look at him.
“So I really don’t have a choice but to come?” He chuckles.
“Nope.”
I smile and take his hand.

Åå, vad bra att hon har träffat Josh!

Superbra skrivet!

Kapitlet blev ganska kort och inte jätte bra men jag har inte haft så mycket tid att skriva so bear with me!
Här kommer iaf mer!

Chapter 5
We’re walking through the village when suddenly Lorissa gasps.
“Look!” she says breathlessly, “Look!” she points a few meters away. I follow her gaze. It’s a small black kitten. It’s wandering around looking like it doesn’t really know what to do. Before I can say anything Lorissa rushes up to it and kneels down. “Joshua, it’s hurt!” she exclaims. There’s nobody around. If there were she wouldn’t dare call me by my name. I walk up and see that the little kitten has a small gash on its head. I crouch down next to her. The kitten wobbles up to us. It looks at us both but eventually it walks up to Lorissa stroking its small body on her legs. Lorissa lets out a small ‘oh!’. Then she smiles.
“Hey little sweetheart… what happened to you, huh?” she starts petting the small kitten. Lorissa looks so happy petting the tiny thing and I get a warm feeling inside. I like seeing her happy. Suddenly the kitten makes a rumbling sound. Lorissa immediately pulls away her hand looking surprised. “It growled at me.” She says disappointed. I shake my head.
“No. Growling is different. They make that sound when they’re happy.” Lorissa looks at me with doubt, but slowly starts stroking the kitten again. It makes the rumbling sound again and Lorissa smiles. Understanding that I’m right. “Lorissa.” I say. Making a decision in my mind.
“Yeah?” she says not tearing her eyes from the black kitten.
“If you like we can bring it to my house, feed it and wash it’s wound.” She looks at me with big eyes, then at the kitten.
“Really?” she whispers.
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure?” she asks. I nod.
“Won’t your parents mind?” I shake my head.
“I don’t think so. Mom likes helping helpless animals and Dad doesn’t mind it.” She still doesn’t look convinced, “Would you rather leave it here to die?” She looks shocked.
“Of course not!” she says horrified.
“Then c’mon.” I say and stand up. She hesitates. Looks at the tiny cat that is still stroking her legs. Then she picks it up.
“Do you know if it’s a him or a her?” she asks.
“Doesn’t really matter.” I answer. She looks down at her feet and doesn’t say anything. I realize that in this village it does matter, at least to her it does. “Let me see.”
“Huh?”
“Let me see if it’s a boy or a girl.” Lorissa looks at me with wide eyes. She hands the small kitten to me and I quickly check its gender.
“Girl.” I say after a few seconds.
“Really?” her eyes are glistening and she’s smiling as though nothing could’ve made her happier. I feel myself getting warmer inside. I don’t see her happy like this very often, happy for real. And now it even looks as this time it might last for more than a few minutes. Well, she smiles often. At least when she’s with me, but most of the time her smiles are fake and they don’t reach her eyes, so this smile that the small kitten has brought to her face is special, and I pray it will last for a long, long time.

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Du skriver så himla bra att det inte borde vara sant! Fantastiskt! And I love the story!!

Blahblahahablahförlåtblahabablahharintehafttidblablablaskaförsökabättramigblahblahblahärkommermer. YOU KNOW THE DRILL! Love you om ni fortfarande läser!

Chapter 6
“Well will you look at that? Wouldn’t surprise me if we find ourselves covered in fleas within a few minutes.” Joshua’s dad is standing in the kitchen, hands on his hips and shaking his head. I hold the small kitten close to my chest and look down at my feet. It was far too much to hope for that Joshua’s parents would help the kitten.
“I’m sorry sir, I shouldn’t have brought…” Joshua interrupts.
“Dad. Don’t do that. She thinks you’re serious.” Josh says sounding annoyed. I look up at the tall man who is now laughing slightly. He’s wearing an old shirt that probably once was white. But it’s stained in soot and is now almost black.
“Don’t tease the girl, George.” Josh’s mother says. He just chuckles again and reaches out to touch my shoulder. I force myself to stand still and not run away.
“Don’t worry Lorissa, like she said,” he gestures towards Joshua’s mother, “I’m only teasing. C’mon in.” He turns around and walks through the door. I see Joshua’s mother giving him a stern gaze. Suddenly I feel the small kitten squirming in my arms. I look down and realize I’m holding her way too tight.
“Sorry.” I murmur and loosen my grip. She relaxes and lies still in my hands. She looks up at me with thankful look in her eyes. I smile. this kitten is so cute and innocent. I’ll make sure that she’ll make it. I walk inside after Josh.
“How about we give her a bath?” Joshua’s mother says.
“Yes ma’am.” She gives me a big smile and starts taking out a big bowl and two buckets.
“Joshua, go with Lorissa and get some water.”
“Okay, mom. C’mon Lorissa.” He says. We both start to walk outside.
“Wait, Lorissa. It’ll be hard to carry the buckets with the kitten in your hands. How about you leave her here. I’ll see what I can do about the wound on her head.” I hesitate for a few seconds then I unwillingly and carefully put the small cat in her outreached arms. I turn around and start walking. “Oh!” I hear Joshua’s mother exclaim. I twirl around and see the little kitten right in front of me.
“Looks like she want to come with Lorissa, doesn’t it?” Joshuas father says. I look up at Joshua’s mother.
“Sorry…” I say quietly.
“Don’t apologize! She can come with you if she can walk herself! I just thought that it would be difficult for you to carry her and the water at the same time.”
“See you soon.” Josh says as we walk out the door, the black cat following us.
“She likes you.” He suddenly says.
“Who?”
“Mom. That’s good. She usually doesn’t like most of the people she meets.” He says and smiles at me.
“Really? But she’s so nice to everyone!” I protest.
“Yeah, but that’s because she’s polite. You’re one of the only people outside her family that she actually likes for real.” I look at him in disbelief. But I know he wouldn’t lie about something like this; so I can’t really, not believe him.
“Oh.” Not knowing how to respond I look down at the cat that’s walking a few decimeters next to my feet.
“Hey! Look!” I hear someone shout. It’s Bill. I feel my body jerk in surprise and I start walking a bit faster. Joshua does the same thing. “It’s a black cat!” I widen my eyes.
“You’re right! It’s a cursed animal!” I look up just to see a few of Bill’s friends running in our direction. I freeze. They have rocks in their hands.
“Don’t let it escape! We have to kill it, otherwise it will bring bad luck to this town!”
Wait, what?
“No!” I yell and at the same time pick up the kitten.